Not for the faint of ? heart ?
So I found out that Brian has high cholesterol a few weeks ago. The recommendation from his pediatrician, as it is not terribly high, is that he should eat more oatmeal. Yes. I have been eating oatmeal every morning and am even getting used to the fact that it doesn't even begin to fill me up, but I am no longer faint and weak by 10am, and I can actually make it to lunchtime on one bowl of oatmeal now. However: trying to get Brian to eat oatmeal was about as practical as trying to feed an orange peel to a cat. He hated it. But epiphany! I discovered the greatest thing: the Fiber One bar! It is delicious, simple to pack, and has something like 9 grams of fiber PER BAR!
So I got them and served them to Brian, and Megan helped herself to a few as well. One day I decided I'd have one too. They were good! I added them to my diet, too. At this same time, I had bought a mix of all different kinds of nuts and sunflower seeds, which I was also snacking generously on throughout the day. But a problem! I could not take a step without, er, um, an indiscretion! Yes folks! What was the cause? Was it the sunflower seeds in the nut mix? It had to be. So I didn't eat any more.
Then one day, I had a Fiber One bar again. In the back of my mind, I thought, hmm. I have also been eating a lot of these Fiber one bars just prior to the onset of my flatulent fiesta ... but nah. It's a granola bar, for crying out loud. But the problem would strike at any time: in a classroom, while circling amongst the desks - in the grocery store, while browsing the shelves, visiting the Doll in the hospital ER, or even just while I was wandering around the house, where I have avowed time and time again that I, the lady of the house, DO NOT FART. Which used to be true. Before I met Fiber One.
Yesterday I decided to turn to my trusty information source, the google search bar. I typed in 'Fiber One Bars m' and to my surprise (well, or validation) the search engine automatically gave me an option of 'Fiber One Bars Make me Fart;' this linked me to the following discussion: http://www.pleasegodno.com/archives/66-Fiber-One-Bars-make-me-Fart.html It WASN'T the nut mix! The nuts are cleared of all wrongdoing! But what to do next? Amazing how the Fiber One bars were all on sale at Acme, and they keep getting cheaper and cheaper! This is not a good affliction to have when one is spending hours in a room with people whose noses are at the level of one's escaping fumes! And fumes they are! It's horrendous!
So there it is, all. Fiber One bars make you fart. I decided to ask Brian, who denied this response, but I assume that is probably just because he is a boy and they fart all the time anyway. I could tell by Megan's reaction (and she, too, is a fan of flatulence) that her body has responded in kind to these demon bars. Meanwhile, I have a pantry full of them. We won't be lighting any fires in our house for the next week or two. They taste so good, it's almost worth the risk! No wonder fuel prices are coming down in New Jersey - Fiber One bars are on sale!
Anyway, in other news, or in news that's fit to print, Kevin will arrive home from Sweden tomorrow, I have no work lined up but I am listening for the widget beep and nothing has happened for hours. I'm planning an early bedtime but I have to stay up until my strawberries ripen in Farmville, or they'll wither overnight. And the dog can't be put to bed too early, or he won't make it till morning. Otherwise, Megan is still coughing, Brian has a lot of homework, the most ever in one night so far, and we have Bruce coming up on Friday! Fun times in the House of Farts.
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