And it's been almost exactly a month since we trucked B off to college! It's hard to believe that, just like that, your life is restored to its state BC (before children.) Except that BC, you didn't have massive debt. You didn't have a huge house with laundry that was never on your person. You didn't have seven pets running around, and not enough hands to pet them. You had a full time job, sure, but you took an express bus to get there, and you could go out after work, because (a) you were in your 20s and (b) you did not have dogs.
But the thing is that it's not that hard to get used to this new life, but that is perhaps because I am lacking the nurturing gene. After 21 years of someone somehow placing demands on your life, from the day you're pregnant and no longer able to take your beloved advil until the day you sit up wondering why it's taking so long for your 17 year old driver to get home from a friend's house, and keeping an eye on all the Facebook pages, who so helpfully post every wreck in the county, complete with commentary from "contributors," it's kind of nice to come home and kick back with a glass of wine, take the dogs for a walk or ride a bike through the park after work. It's nice to not have to worry about what's for dinner and whether or not it's GMO-free (although I admit, I didn't really know what that meant until AFTER the kids left and I had the time to learn about it, now I really wish I'd paid attention sooner - sorry M&B.)
The best part of the new-old state is that the house is almost always almost clean - there's pet hair around, and some mail and a dish or two might sit around longer than they should, but there is no clutter everywhere. The house is clean and it's quiet. Yes, sometimes, too quiet. And sometimes we miss the sandy towels and the flip flops and the free samples of redditor-advertisers ordered by B. We know that they'll be back, but it won't be the same. So it's time to reinvent ourselves.
Kevin is off into his world of cycling, and tries to ride and go to the gym as often as he can. I'm a little slower to hop on the freedom wagon, since I still feel responsible for the dogs, even though I've had to hire a dog walker to come in every day and walk them to keep them active. They still act as if I'm the first person they have seen in their entire lives when I walk through the door each night. But I'll get there. Just exploring alternatives.
As for the transition, I am sure it is eased by social media. You're never out of touch with your children, even when they do leave the nest. They're always in that e-nest, right next to you, when they need some money, when they get sick, or when something is wrong. If you're not hearing from them, it's probably all fine. But really - thirty years ago (ish) when I was in college, all we had were in-room phones. One of my friends' mothers used to call all of our rooms until she found the one her daughter was in. She'd be frantic by the third or fourth room. That would never happen now. Everyone can be that mother, thank to the instantaneous connection through texting and social media. B's college leaders said at one of their info sessions - do not call us and say you can't find your child because they are not answering their texts. But it's true. An unanswered text, especially when you know your child is on the Broad Street Subway, or walking through Fenway at night, is definitely cause for some deep breathing, at the very least. That is the hard part of the empty nest, and I deal with it by way of disassociation. I am on a need-to-worry basis.
But social media is a good thing, for those of us in this generation. A Facebook post, a tweet, or an instagram photo can provide us a glimpse into the lives of those who've flown the nest. And although my kids would never believe it, in my mind's eye, I can still understand the horror of my parents seeing those moments when I was their age. Especially since, thanks to my empty nest, I think I am 25 again!
And in other news, everyone is doing well in their respective schools. B is settling in and has made a few new friends although he's at a school where many seem to go home on the weekends. Midterms are around the corner, but so far he reports academic success. M is busy with the start of the swim season, and a new internship which is just beginning to take shape. She will have to apply in the early spring for the accelerated program, and the outcome of that application will determine where she will spend the years following her expected graduation year - if accepted, she will stay on and graduate a year later. Otherwise, she'll have to apply to other programs and those may take her away from Beantown. Time will tell. Lots to look forward to.
