I am the survivor of a week from hell. It started out with the usual annual panic at having to go for a mammogram. But I've gone every year(ish) for about ten years, and never has there been a problem - last year they took an extra film, so that didn't surprise me this year either. My tech wasn't the usual angelic comforting one though - sort of more like a tough love nursery school marm. She made me nervous, even though she didn't do anything specific. She just made me feel like something was wrong.
Two days went by without a call, and I truly forgot that I was worrying. Then, in the midst of a panicked update/create/modification for my boss, my cell phone began to vibrate on my desk. My boss, in a tizzy of her own, insisted that I ignore it; it's probably just as well that I did, as I wouldn't have been able to finish my task had I heard that it was the mammography center.
I called them back, and it took several tries before I got past the busy signal. Then I was put on hold. Then someone picked up and identified herself as 'Debbie' and said I could come in 'next week.' I said, "Woah! I don't even know why I am coming in - was there a problem?" (Dumb question, I suppose.) At that point she apologized, and said she was only per diem, and that she didn't even have my file and assumed they had spoken to me. NO. So she got the report and told me that there was an area of change that needed to be evaluated, and that 80% of the time, these changes are nothing. So I made that appointment and had to wait out the weekend.
Yesterday, nearly a week after my first visit and probably a few pounds lighter and with a few less years in my future as a result of the initial stress, I entered the building again and was immediately filled with dread. I sat in the waiting room, listening to an office manager run through the office chattering on her phone about how she cannot work with someone, because that person doesn't like her and just won't return her calls (I wonder why?) I did note with a bit of gratitude to my spirit guides that the angelic tech was at least back, as she took in the three people ahead of me and finally, me.
I sat in the waiting area in my too-big gown and tried to play candy crush to keep my mind off of the wait; my co-waiters were not chatty at all despite our close proximity and similar plight. The angelic tech came and told one of the waitmates that her films were normal, that "it was just dense tissue" and she only needs to come back next year (what happened to HIPAA?) And then - it was my turn. But - materialized out of thin air - was the OTHER TECH! My heart sank. Once again, she was brusque although not unfriendly. Nothing specific that she did put me so greatly at unease, but she just made me feel very scared. This was my first diagnostic mammogram and - wow - do they hurt. I actually sat down while she changed the paddles at which point she determined that I was about to faint and she made me sit in a sort of high chair for the test. Not fun!
Then I was returned to the holding pen. She came out shortly after and beckoned me down to the hallway with the changing rooms. My news was not as good. I was being sent for an ultrasound! I had known that this could happen and she still said that the radiologist had not seen anything, and just wanted to be sure that this was only dense tissue, but that it did not completely dissipate when pressed flatter. She took me into a room (which I now knew was totally NOT soundproof) and put me on the phone with the place where I would have to go for the ultrasound, and not that same day, even!
She left me in the room. When I was done on the phone, after hollering all sorts of personal information to a voice that kept saying, "what? Can you repeat that?" I didn't know what to do. Finally, I made my way out to the waiting area and the receptionist got me the films and documents and got me the heck out of there. At that point, I was convinced that death was imminent. How could this have happened? Did I eat too many hamburgers? Drink too much wine? Or is it simply because I live in New Jersey? I began to consider Angelina Jolie somewhat of a genius and began to prepare myself for the eventual surgery and treatment, which would surely ruin the family's upcoming trip to California, unless I put it off and allowed this beast within to grow.
Fortunately, I am very busy at work. My boss is understanding, as she has been through this before. She even cut me some peonies from her garden, which I found on my desk on Monday when I came in. The problem was, the smell reminded me of a funeral home and made me worry more!
But finally it was Tuesday, which is today. My appointment was not until 2:30. An interesting note on that. I consulted the wise oracle that is the Horoscope app on my iphone, and it said that I would be very worried about something on Monday but for Tuesday it said that I would be distracted by something personal, but that "even in these dire times," I would get my work done. So I decided that an afternoon appointment would be best - if I was going to have to worry, best it be about an upcoming test rather than one in the past that perhaps went poorly. Also, the weather was to be nicer today. For some reason I think that happens only to show me what the outcome of my appointments will be. It does seem to correlate, I have to say.
At any rate, as this tale grows long, clearly the result has allayed my fears (for now, there will always be another) as the second I entered this new facility I just felt a better vibe. I had begun to worry because I decided to wear my lucky pants and I couldn't find them anywhere! How does one go to a test wearing something other than one's lucky pants? But there they were - in my sock drawer, right where I left them when the pants drawer was full. I didn't have to wait long and a lovely tech came back to get me. She was reassuring from the start and told me that the radiologist felt from that everything would be fine. The test took a couple of minutes, and five minutes after that, she came back and told me that I could leave! The radiologist had seen nothing. And the waitmates were friendly and chatty, and there was bright light all over the place.
The only new stress is that I will have to go for a follow-up compression mammogram in six months to make sure the spot is not changing. But the radiologist had gone so far as to say that he would not have ordered the ultrasound in the first place. And guess where I will be going in six months - NOT back to the first place, that is for sure!
And in other news - as if I have thought of anything else, we are off with B to college orientation tomorrow, and then on Thursday he has his consult with the oral surgeon. M will be home next weekend for our vacation, then back to work for a week and then home for the summer. Back to beach guarding. Fingers crossed that the wild weather takes a breather for most of the season!
