Forbidden Knowledge?

So, during spring break, I dragged the kids to Philadelphia for a quick visit. We went out on a quick shopping spree, ending up at Urban Outfitters. Brian, ever the spoiled and pampered, was whining because I wasn't buying him things (like laser pointers, or Airsoft guns). In Urban Outfitters, he picked up a book. It was titled, Forbidden Knowledge: 101 Things NOT Everyone Should Know How to Do. He asked to have it, and I quickly glanced at it. Here are the ones that caught my eye:

* how to know if your neighbor is a zombie
* stage a coup
* e-bay scams
* Negotiate with kidnappers

So, I think, OK, he will read this (thats good, right?) and it sounds a lot like The Worst Case Scenario Survival Guide that I have had for years. So I got it for him. No big deal. He read a couple of humorous excerpts on the way home, and I forgot all about it.

Until today.

I was working, during the Math Olympics at school. At lunch, I checked the messages at home. It was a bit raucous in the teachers' room, so I didn't know who it was that was on the machine, until I realized that it was the guidance counselor from the middle school!!! He was rattling off something about Brian's language arts teacher, and the book...suddenly I realized he meant THIS book! Then my mind went back to Brian showing the book to someone who said, "if that is forbidden, are you supposed to know about it?" at which time I briefly thought, "Hm. Maybe I should delve a little further into the book." And I forgot all about it.

Until today.

So I have opened it up again, and found the topics I did not notice at first:

* how to be a porn star
* how to play Russian roulette
* how to become an assassin

And, as the guidance counselor pointed out, it "goes on and on" and is entirely inappropriate for middle school!!! Of course, most of the topics could be very helpful, such as how to complain and get results, lighting farts on fire, or placing a gypsy curse. I would also very much like to know how to create crop circles, or ten things I should never say to the police. But, all in all, I have been forced to suck it up and act appalled - as, in fact, I am. This is just what I did not need with this kid!!

Lately I have been thinking, well, maybe guidance can help with the fact that these kids in his grade are being mean to him. Just yesterday they were all together in the neighbor's garage, and the other three jumped up and got on their bikes, and all rode off without Brian. It makes me wonder what life is like in these kids homes to convince them that they are so far superior to others that it's ok to treat other people like that. Then they'll come and ring the bell, like they can't wait to play. There's no rhyme or reason to it. Perhaps Brian should look up "build freakish muscles" in his new book, and use that to overcome them the next time they pick on him.

But, I suppose I can scratch that. I don't imagine guidance will be feeling too sympathetic towards us these days. On to Plan B, whatever that might be.

And so, such went my day. Tonight we are going out for dinner and to see a play with a church group. At least I have some good dinner conversation. This book will be well accepted by the church folk, to be sure.

In other news, the one little chiari girl I have been following is not doing well, and it is making me so mad. I am getting the feeling that the doctors who are treating her just do not know what they're doing at all. If that were my kid, I'd want her out of that hospital so fast; but she's too sick to be moved, and she's their mess now anyway. I remember feeling that way with Brian briefly, but he was never as sick as this little girl. For the one day that he was, our surgeon was very understanding and accommodating. And effective. Otherwise, it is the weekend. Which will revolve around baseball and weather in our house. Time to catch up on some more laundry. And maybe make some moonshine, crash a wedding, or do some subway surfing.