happy easter!

So here it is - it's Easter morning! And a beautiful one that that.  In lieu of going to church, where the hard pews and the constant sit/stand will just aggravate my stubbornly painful hip and back, I've decided to worship the beauty of the outdoors instead. It's been a nice quiet weekend with no obligations or plans and I am recharged and ready (?) to face another full week of work.

Yesterday we made good use of the day by heading up to a mattress outlet where we ordered a very high end latex mattress to replace the poor old Casper. I'm really sad that the Casper didn't do it for me, because they're wonderful. They're sending over a truck to pick it up on Tuesday, just like that. They'll even take back the base AND the mattress cover. Does make one pause to think of the markup on the ones that they do sell. At any rate, I wish I could keep it as a spare bed but at the price tag that it came with and the cost of its upper end replacement, we will need that cash back in the account!

Well, I got distracted and just made my way back to the post after a long week at work. Casper was great, and they refunded the money already, in time to offset the down payment on the new mattress, which comes a week from today. They make them on site at the store we went to, so ours had to be made before it could be delivered, and we had to find a day when we could be home. So, next week it is. We can't wait! Meanwhile, we have been sleeping on the old pillow top and it's at least better than the hard Casper, and my hip is feeling a little better. I also wonder if physical therapy doesn't actually hurt more than it helps sometimes, and I've been away a few days from it now.

Anyway, just thrilled that it's finally the weekend. We are off to Philadelphia to fight science march traffic snarls and chaperone a visit to the Turf Club. Just a note on financial thinking before I go. I have some old 401k rollover accounts, opened at Chase when I was but a young mom relinquishing a promising would-be career. I haven't given much thought to these accounts over the years, and they've changed hands from the original rep. I occasionally get statements and they were connected to our online account, so I monitor their value, but not too closely since the amounts, while somewhat interesting to me, are insignificant in terms of long term retirement funding. I call them the down payment on our vacation home when we turn 59 1/2.

About a year ago one of the reps' assistants started to call me. Fast forward and the bottom line is that they split my accounts between two reps. The IRA Rollover went to one woman, who apparently has several staff beneath her, and the mysterious fixed annuity went to another, who seems to be in the Private Banking group.  I recently read that one must have $10 million to use their private bankers. My annuity now values at $14,000. Which may explain the treatment I get from J.P. Morgan financial advisors!

First, I can't access the annuity online. I no longer get statements for it. Turns out that this is because the login ID is not mine, but my husband's. The login name! Not the name on the account, not the social security number, but the name he made up when he activated online banking at the end of the stone age, which was when I opened the accounts. I found this out by harassing the private banker until she finally got back to me and told me this. She has since returned to ignoring me. I only found out about her because she sent me an email announcing her marriage a few months ago.

The other funds are with someone else. Recently I got a letter that stated this account would be turning into a self-directed account and I should learn how to manage my own accounts. They sit in mutual funds which someone recommended for me while I still had toddler brain, and I have no idea if they are appropriate anymore. Scheduled a call to chat with new rep. She called ten minutes late, no apology or explanation, and hadn't really prepared. Then said that we should talk again and she'd send me a packet and I'd return statements. Told me that the letter about the self-directed was not really true after all. The call was set for yesterday morning.

The day before, her assistant called the husband's cell. The husband didn't notice this until I remarked that she still hadn't called me yesterday morning. Finally, last night, we played the message and heard the assistant say that they looked forward to seeing me in their New York offices and that I should bring any statements that I had.

Sigh. I've *worked* in financial services. This isn't how it's done, Chase! You get the statements BEFORE the meeting! And if you don't, you certainly don't promise to send out a packet in advance of a phone meeting, and confirm said phone meeting on the WRONG phone as being an in-person meeting! I know that my money is not worth their time, but someday there may be more when we do retire and cash out the savings we have at our current jobs. And guess who won't be managing it.

I feel better having said that, even if nobody makes it to the end. These are supposed to be New York bankers. In other news, I'm off to walk the dogs. It's what counts as exercise during my OTF sabbatical.  Strangely, I'm a pound or so lighter despite the lack of hard core exercise.  Perhaps because I barely eat any of the fun foods that I'd have while I felt I could justify them. On to the weekend!

the resurrection

Well, in honor of the coming Easter holiday, I thought I'd give the blog a small shot of life after - what - two years? So much has happened so where to begin?

For one thing, M is a person now. She has an apartment and a person and a car (that she pays for) and a savings account! She even just got her first parking lot hit-and-run yesterday! (Scratch what I said about the savings account...) B is on his way, he expects to graduate in just a few short weeks (to me, I suspect they may be long for him.) An internship that he's had for the semester has extended into July so he won't have to worry about hunting while he wraps up his scholastic career, which he capstoned with a travel study class to India!

Otherwise the rest of us are status quo. We lost our dear Rusty (featured as a baby tuxedo cat in the profile picture for this blog) about a year ago to some kind of ruthless and incurable cat cancer. This is where you wonder how people can afford to have pets. Countless tests and medicines and visits later, and within two months the cat died. His cat wife Lilly hasn't recovered. She cries in the morning and wonders why he never comes to visit her in her isolation unit (she can't get along with the new addition, Dora from the mean streets of Philadelphia). Wilbur and Abby have fallen into their routine with their daily dog walkers and frequent weekend travels which leave them home alone for stretches on the weekends. They long for the summer and the trips to the beach (one so far this year! always so much colder just a few miles away by the ocean!) Wilbur is eight years old!

My latest trial is a pain in my hip! For years I fought hip pain on the right and it finally went away. I thought I'd better get to a gym, with my advancing age and all that, so I shopped around and joined Orangetheory Fitness. I loved it! It was a little pricey, but was otherwise everything I'd been looking for in a workout - high energy vibe, varied workouts, and someone to tell me what to do with the weights. A rower was an added plus. I'd never used one before and, unfortunately, it became obvious soon that that was a problem! That and a treadmill workout that involved running on a steep incline.

So the theory is that you're supposed to stay within the "orange" and "red" zones for a minimum of 12 minutes out of the hour and be in the "green" for a fair amount as well. But there was something in me that wanted to get the most possible points in an hour. I'd frantically keep my eye on the screen. One day, a couple of months after I joined, I got a little overzealous and there went the left hip during a treadmill block. Thinking I could walk it off, I continued to go, and modified my workouts, which continued to include rowing, squats, lunges and lots of jumping. My hip continued to worsen, and all I was doing was walking on the treadmill at that point. Still with inclines :/

Finally I went to the doctor at the end of March, to be admonished and told that I've done this to myself. It's awful! The diagnosis is bursitis and SI joint dysfunction. It could have started on the treadmill, but the rower was probably terrible for it as well. I've currently frozen the membership for one month (free with a doctor's note! Imagine having to pay $15 to not have to pay a membership fee for the place where you got hurt in the first place...?) Anyway they were very good about it and I hope they will remain so. I am hoping to be able to go back but at this rate I still have a lot of pain and I'm sure if I go back too soon I will end up having to cancel the membership and join chair yoga.

Along those lines is the bed. We had a terrible pillowtop and I couldn't stand the amount of pain I was in every morning. My entire body ached when I turned over. We tested out a Casper mattress at a local west elm, and it felt pretty OK. They offer a 100 day return, so we gave it a shot. Sadly, I didn't initially love it and now I am not even sure if I like it. I've been away from the gym and yet my hip is not improving, and it's at its worst in the morning. We stopped in and tried some Tempurpedics when we were in NYC to see Hamilton (!) and they were worlds apart from what this bed is like. I feel terrible about returning it, I really, really wanted it to work. But pain is pain and comfort is comfort. I think it's time to pay for the real bed.

And in other news, Hamilton was indeed as engaging as they say! Warning - try to not drink anything the entire day because the bathroom procedure is the worst! I left my seat in the first mezzanine immediately upon the lights going on, had to fight my way downstairs and then they had us wrapping through the orchestra seats just to get to the real line.  By the time I got back to my seat, they had already turned off the lights. And I wasn't even last! You literally could not move through some of the common areas. So maybe stay in your seats and relax for 10 minutes. Or an hour. Not good for a claustrophobic! But highly recommend the show. Happy Easter to all!

Another test

So the blog app is on the phone now too.

And in other news...I'll probably update from the old iMac 😬

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

And just like that a year is gone

How does this happen every time I take a break? I come back and a month, two months, six months, a YEAR is over. So I got a new computer but here is the problem: I can't read the text on it! So at work I was offered a choice between a Surface Pro and a regular hp laptop. Since I use the laptop often actually, well, on my lap (!) I decided to opt for the sturdier standard sized hp and am so glad that I did. But this was a gift - I'd been musing that perhaps I'd like to have one of these fancy swivel-the-screen-touch-the-screen-but-now-it's-a-laptop things but had actually been wanting to try them out vs. small laptops for personal use.  So now I have this lovely versatlie little Lenova Yoga 3 and - I can barely see anything it says, even with my glasses halfway down my nose.

Anyway, I did manage to associate my blogger account with my gmail, so maybe I can update it without having to remember how I signed on with an antiquated aol account when I first created it. This post will be my first test. So stay tuned for the results of that as well as the final verdict on my survival with the mini text on this new computer!

refilling the nest

And just like that - life continued to happen. B was returned home from school, after a year of roller coaster events and somewhat mediocre (still pending) GPAs. English eludes the boy, and the elusion eludes me. I don't understand it, but C+ seems to be the norm.  So we await the other grades this semester and hope they will all balance out.

M, on the other hand, enjoys great strength in the English-types of classes, so much so that she rarely has to take them, thanks to her strong AP scores from high school.  Most recently, she suffered through a course on writing in health sciences, and came out with a note from the professor remarking on her talents.  This semester, it was another language that brought her "down." In what she has deemed "her last chance for a 4.0," her American Sign Language class, which she could have skipped in lieu of a basic psychology elective, ruined this single opportunity by bestowing upon her a meager A- in a field of solid A's.

And so the onslaught of laundry bags, recent purchases, dirty dishes and unwanted mail begins.  And last night, just the two of us found ourselves playing trivia purchased by mistake on the new tabletop tablets at Chili's, our children having already found alternative ways to amuse themselves on what would have been our first night as a group of four.

But never fear! Many activities are planned. First, tonight, we are off to the soggy turf of Citifield, to once again watch the teams of our childhoods square off against one another, this time on foreign (to me) land.  Tomorrow, the infamous Mother-in-Law's Day (commonly known in the rest of the world as 'Mother's Day', which I learned last night in a lucky Chili's-trivia guess evoked by my work affiliation, was made famous by Woodrow Wilson) will bring us all together once more for many activities which will be silently endured by the suffering few. (Perhaps church, maybe a bike ride, and of course, the obligatory overpriced mediocre prix fixe.)

A few weeks will follow where we will seem to fall into a rhythm, and then we'll have a family vacation.  Then everyone will be back to work, and we will find some sort of new normal, surrounded by the pet hair, unwanted mail, dirty glasses and cast-aside clothing.  And then it will be August. And maybe I'll remember to post another entry!

So, this could be M's last summer at home, with her new status as 'accelerated master's student.'  Next summer she will have to be working in a clinical setting, but she can do it anywhere she finds work. So that's something for another time of worry.  B was lucky to have secured a summer job with a computer firm, with the help of a friend of mine, so that is the best thing that could have happened for him. He'll work three days a week for at least the months of June and July, with the first two weeks of August on reserve.

And in other news, Kevin continues his quest to be a triathlete, which often involves rising at ridiculous hours to fight the lane closures for lessons and teams in the pool at the Y, or to go on monstrous cycling pilgrimages with unknown spandex-clad middle aged men. While this is quite a noble pursuit, it often causes his head to drop into his beer while he watches hockey at 6pm, or while he's serving as a passenger on a mundane road trip to anywhere.

My job plods on, I hope for more recognition and sometimes wonder if it's worth the hour-long hike each way. But for now, it is what it is.  Once I get there, it's not so bad. But sometimes, the traffic can just send me over the edge of sanity.  And the pets are there as a counterbalance.  Why do I have so many? Oh, and my last complaint must be regarding this accursed iphone. (a) The latest iOS update has turned it into crap and (b) why is  AT+T making life so difficult with their plan options? Every time I consider a new purchase, I end up just shaking my head and leaving everything as it has been since 2005.

So let the summer begin!

empty nest month one

And it's been almost exactly a month since we trucked B off to college! It's hard to believe that, just like that, your life is restored to its state BC (before children.) Except that BC, you didn't have massive debt. You didn't have a huge house with laundry that was never on your person. You didn't have seven pets running around, and not enough hands to pet them. You had a full time job, sure, but you took an express bus to get there, and you could go out after work, because (a) you were in your 20s and (b) you did not have dogs.

But the thing is that it's not that hard to get used to this new life, but that is perhaps because I am lacking the nurturing gene. After 21 years of someone somehow placing demands on your life, from the day you're pregnant and no longer able to take your beloved advil until the day you sit up wondering why it's taking so long for your 17 year old driver to get home from a friend's house, and keeping an eye on all the Facebook pages, who so helpfully post every wreck in the county, complete with commentary from "contributors," it's kind of nice to come home and kick back with a glass of wine, take the dogs for a walk or ride a bike through the park after work. It's nice to not have to worry about what's for dinner and whether or not it's GMO-free (although I admit, I didn't really know what that meant until AFTER the kids left and I had the time to learn about it, now I really wish I'd paid attention sooner - sorry M&B.)

The best part of the new-old state is that the house is almost always almost clean - there's pet hair around, and some mail and a dish or two might sit around longer than they should, but there is no clutter everywhere. The house is clean and it's quiet. Yes, sometimes, too quiet. And sometimes we miss the sandy towels and the flip flops and the free samples of redditor-advertisers ordered by B.  We know that they'll be back, but it won't be the same. So it's time to reinvent ourselves.

Kevin is off into his world of cycling, and tries to ride and go to the gym as often as he can. I'm a little slower to hop on the freedom wagon, since I still feel responsible for the dogs, even though I've had to hire a dog walker to come in every day and walk them to keep them active. They still act as if I'm the first person they have seen in their entire lives when I walk through the door each night. But I'll get there. Just exploring alternatives.

As for the transition, I am sure it is eased by social media. You're never out of touch with your children, even when they do leave the nest. They're always in that e-nest, right next to you, when they need some money, when they get sick, or when something is wrong. If you're not hearing from them, it's probably all fine. But really - thirty years ago (ish) when I was in college, all we had were in-room phones. One of my friends' mothers used to call all of our rooms until she found the one her daughter was in. She'd be frantic by the third or fourth room.  That would never happen now. Everyone can be that mother, thank to the instantaneous connection through texting and social media.  B's college leaders said at one of their info sessions - do not call us and say you can't find your child because they are not answering their texts. But it's true. An unanswered text, especially when you know your child is on the Broad Street Subway, or walking through Fenway at night, is definitely cause for some deep breathing, at the very least. That is the hard part of the empty nest, and I deal with it by way of disassociation. I am on a need-to-worry basis.

But social media is a good thing, for those of us in this generation. A Facebook post, a tweet, or an instagram photo can provide us a glimpse into the lives of those who've flown the nest. And although my kids would never believe it, in my mind's eye, I can still understand the horror of my parents seeing those moments when I was their age.  Especially since, thanks to my empty nest, I think I am 25 again!

And in other news, everyone is doing well in their respective schools. B is settling in and has made a few new friends although he's at a school where many seem to go home on the weekends. Midterms are around the corner, but so far he reports academic success. M is busy with the start of the swim season, and a new internship which is just beginning to take shape.  She will have to apply in the early spring for the accelerated program, and the outcome of that application will determine where she will spend the years following her expected graduation year - if accepted, she will stay on and graduate a year later. Otherwise, she'll have to apply to other programs and those may take her away from Beantown. Time will tell. Lots to look forward to.

modern medicine

I am the survivor of a week from hell.  It started out with the usual annual panic at having to go for a mammogram. But I've gone every year(ish) for about ten years, and never has there been a problem - last year they took an extra film, so that didn't surprise me this year either. My tech wasn't the usual angelic comforting one though - sort of more like a tough love nursery school marm. She made me nervous, even though she didn't do anything specific. She just made me feel like something was wrong.

Two days went by without a call, and I truly forgot that I was worrying. Then, in the midst of a panicked update/create/modification for my boss, my cell phone began to vibrate on my desk. My boss, in a tizzy of her own, insisted that I ignore it; it's probably just as well that I did, as I wouldn't have been able to finish my task had I heard that it was the mammography center.

I called them back, and it took several tries before I got past the busy signal.  Then I was put on hold. Then someone picked up and identified herself as 'Debbie' and said I could come in 'next week.' I said, "Woah! I don't even know why I am coming in - was there a problem?" (Dumb question, I suppose.) At that point she apologized, and said she was only per diem, and that she didn't even have my file and assumed they had spoken to me. NO. So she got the report and told me that there was an area of change that needed to be evaluated, and that 80% of the time, these changes are nothing. So I made that appointment and had to wait out the weekend.

Yesterday, nearly a week after my first visit and probably a few pounds lighter and with a few less years in my future as a result of the initial stress, I entered the building again and was immediately filled with dread. I sat in the waiting room, listening to an office manager run through the office chattering on her phone about how she cannot work with someone, because that person doesn't like her and just won't return her calls (I wonder why?) I did note with a bit of gratitude to my spirit guides that the angelic tech was at least back, as she took in the three people ahead of me and finally, me.

I sat in the waiting area in my too-big gown and tried to play candy crush to keep my mind off of the wait; my co-waiters were not chatty at all despite our close proximity and similar plight.  The angelic tech came and told one of the waitmates that her films were normal, that "it was just dense tissue" and she only needs to come back next year (what happened to HIPAA?) And then - it was my turn. But - materialized out of thin air - was the OTHER TECH! My heart sank. Once again, she was brusque although not unfriendly. Nothing specific that she did put me so greatly at unease, but she just made me feel very scared.  This was my first diagnostic mammogram and - wow - do they hurt.  I actually sat down while she changed the paddles at which point she determined that I was about to faint and she made me sit in a sort of high chair for the test. Not fun!

Then I was returned to the holding pen.  She came out shortly after and beckoned me down to the hallway with the changing rooms.  My news was not as good. I was being sent for an ultrasound! I had known that this could happen and she still said that the radiologist had not seen anything, and just wanted to be sure that this was only dense tissue, but that it did not completely dissipate when pressed flatter. She took me into a room (which I now knew was totally NOT soundproof) and put me on the phone with the place where I would have to go for the ultrasound, and not that same day, even!

She left me in the room. When I was done on the phone, after hollering all sorts of personal information to a voice that kept saying, "what? Can you repeat that?" I didn't know what to do. Finally, I made my way out to the waiting area and the receptionist got me the films and documents and got me the heck out of there.  At that point, I was convinced that death was imminent.  How could this have happened? Did I eat too many hamburgers? Drink too much wine? Or is it simply because I live in New Jersey? I began to consider Angelina Jolie somewhat of a genius and began to prepare myself for the eventual surgery and treatment, which would surely ruin the family's upcoming trip to California, unless I put it off and allowed this beast within to grow.

Fortunately, I am very busy at work. My boss is understanding, as she has been through this before. She even cut me some peonies from her garden, which I found on my desk on Monday when I came in. The problem was, the smell reminded me of a funeral home and made me worry more!

But finally it was Tuesday, which is today. My appointment was not until 2:30. An interesting note on that. I consulted the wise oracle that is the Horoscope app on my iphone, and it said that I would be very worried about something on Monday but for Tuesday it said that I would be distracted by something personal, but that "even in these dire times," I would get my work done. So I decided that an afternoon appointment would be best - if I was going to have to worry, best it be about an upcoming test rather than one in the past that perhaps went poorly. Also, the weather was to be nicer today. For some reason I think that happens only to show me what the outcome of my appointments will be. It does seem to correlate, I have to say.

At any rate, as this tale grows long, clearly the result has allayed my fears (for now, there will always be another) as the second I entered this new facility I just felt a better vibe.  I had begun to worry because I decided to wear my lucky pants and I couldn't find them anywhere! How does one go to a test wearing something other than one's lucky pants? But there they were - in my sock drawer, right where I left them when the pants drawer was full.  I didn't have to wait long and a lovely tech came back to get me. She was reassuring from the start and told me that the radiologist felt from that everything would be fine. The test took a couple of minutes, and five minutes after that, she came back and told me that I could leave! The radiologist had seen nothing.  And the waitmates were friendly and chatty, and there was bright light all over the place.

The only new stress is that I will have to go for a follow-up compression mammogram in six months to make sure the spot is not changing. But the radiologist had gone so far as to say that he would not have ordered the ultrasound in the first place.  And guess where I will be going in six months - NOT back to the first place, that is for sure!

And in other news - as if I have thought of anything else, we are off with B to college orientation tomorrow, and then on Thursday he has his consult with the oral surgeon.  M will be home next weekend for our vacation, then back to work for a week and then home for the summer. Back to beach guarding. Fingers crossed that the wild weather takes a breather for most of the season!